Forgiveness
They say I have to forgive and let it go
The very thing that has kept me together for all these years
The poison that corrupted my very core
Tainting all that I have been for such a very long time
Knitted into my bones and sinews, driving me onwards
And they say let it go
The slights (not imagined)
The cruel behaviour (towards me)
The anger I have felt (righteously so in many instances)
The despair of being abandoned for someone or something “better than you”
Let it go they say
Let that which you don’t need go
The friends who contributed nothing to you that you supported for many years
Who sucked the lifeblood from you each time you met
Scooping up your hurt to wear as their own
The hurt and sting of rejection from the one person you loved the most
The one who turned from you in your hour of need
The one who looked at you with hate in their eyes
And hate on their tongue
The one who said all those hurtful things that stay in your mind
And pop up, poisoning what otherwise is a good day
Let it go they say
It’s a boulder that weighs you down
That makes you focus on the ground
Rather than scanning the horizon, the future
The pain that makes you scream inside, that you cannot share
Let it go
It doesn’t do you any good
Oh those platitudes of those who don’t have this – shit
Crowding out all the good stuff in the world
And if I do?
What do I fill those empty spaces with?
What will warm me on the cold winter nights when I wake crying out for that which I lost?
Is there a reward for being an adult (there hasn’t been so far)?
I have to focus inwards on my stuff
Not listen to those who (always) know better than I
Who have an opinion to share, regardless of whether I want to hear it
Dare I contemplate making this change for myself?
No platitudes or clichés to find
The strength and courage to say
Enough is enough
My heart on this page
Bleeding
Hurting
Can I forgive all of those who have trespassed against me?
I am not god (with or without a capital letter)
I am human
If I say, I forgive you that doesn’t give you a license to try to hurt me again.
It means, I forgive your humanity, your frailty of being
It doesn’t matter that this makes no sense to you
I just need to let it out, and yes, to let it go.
I forgive you.
Marj's writing 